The Buddy System OF DOOM!
by help-me-think-of-a-name
Summary: The school counsellor decides the cullen's anti socialness is getting too wierd and prepares to inflict some pain...... In the form of a BUDDY SYSTEM! SHOCK HORROR! R&R!
1. Mrs Virghill and the buddy system

**A/N: HI! This is my first fanfic! I hope you all like it! Oh and thanks MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles for the idea!**

**Mrs Virghill (Forks High School Counsellor) POV:**

_Those Cullen kids were so weird, I mean look at them all, they're just too..._

I thought to myself as I sat in my lonely office, flipping through my copy of 'Evil Schemes, from 1952-2001, the school counsellors edition'

_First of all there's that strange bronze haired one, I mean, does he even talk? Ever?! And then there's the big one and the blonde one: someone SERIOUSLY needs to tell them to get a room! No one needs to see THAT at 9 o'clock in the morning... and what about the blonde guy? He really needs to see a doctor...or just buy some laxatives...and there's that little one, I mean, she looks like she just stepped off the set of Peter Pan... and they're all so beautiful and perfect! I can't imagine what it's doing to all the insecure teenagers' self esteem! Oh and there's also that Bella kid that hangs out with them too which is just...odd...but the thing that creeps me out the most is the fact that they're all so close and personal...they just stick to themselves and, well, it's just too weird!_

Suddenly, I came across a page I hadn't noticed before:

**THE BUDDY SYSTEM**

**Best saved for anti social teenagers, who like keeping to themselves and would rather not be bothered by meddling teachers. The buddy system has been used by generations and results in pure irritation for students and never-ending entertainment for counsellors. **

**Ingredients:**

**One perfectly happy teenager**

**One seemingly anti social teenager, who likes keeping to themselves and would rather not be bothered by meddling teachers**

**One pair of handcuffs**

**Method:**

**Arrange meeting between seemingly anti social teenager and perfectly happy teenager in counsellor's office**

**Once said meeting is in place handcuff teenagers together**

**Make said teenagers sit down and talk about their feelings and explain to them that every day, from the minute they arrive at school to the minute they leave, they will be handcuffed together until they make friends. If they ask why you're doing this, simply look out the window and ask them if they like the stained glass**

**Sit back and enjoy**

**Once the fun wears out, invite them back to your office, make them sit down and talk about their feelings, then unlock them**

**Have fun!**

Mrs Virghill slammed her book shut and leaned back in her chair, an evil grin began to form on her face, 'excellent...' she said, Mr Burns style, 'excellent...'

**A/N: So there you have it! My first chapter! Hope you liked it! Sorry it was kind of short but I thought that was a good place to end it! REVIEW! Oh and any ideas for pairings would be great! Like Jessica + Alice .etc. **


	2. blue notes and cat fights

**Here's the second chapter! Finally! Lol, thanks for the great reviews! Enjoy!**

**EMPOV**

I was innocently sitting in Maths class, chucking paper planes at Eddie-boy's head, when they came. Eddie and Jasper (both of whom, I have maths class with) got them too. I didn't understand! I had always been such a good boy! Always cleaned between my toes and all that! Ed and Jazz on the other hand.....

The three of us exchanged sideways glances, all equally confused. Mr. George was rambling on about some random rubbish we learnt about, oh I dunno, fifty years ago?

_What the hell is this all about?_

Eddie just shrugged and turned back to the front of the class. Stupid, unreliable brother. I turned to Jasper and waved the little blue paper at him with my eyebrows raised. Another shrug. Are all my brothers idiots?!

Finally, the bell rang! I raced out the door, to our table in the canteen and straight to my rosie....

**EPOV**

I sat down at our table at the canteen, trying to ignore Emmett and Rosalie's, ummmm... public displays of affection? *shudders*

'Hey, did anyone else get counsellor appointment notes last period?' I asked.

'Yeah!' added Emmett, pulling himself away from Rosalie for the first time since we arrived, 'we got them in maths!'

'Oh yeah, me too,' said Alice, pulling one out of her pocket and tossing it on the table.

'Yup,' said rose, after prying her lips away from Emmett's for 2 seconds, chucking hers on the table too.

'Weird,' added Bella, sliding hers across the table to Alice and Rose's notes.

Em, Jazz and I chucked ours onto the pile too and sat down in front of our prop food. We all stared at the pile of paper in the middle of the table until Emmett decided to break the silence with another one of his lame jokes,

'Hey Eddie!' I glared at him; he knows I hate that nickname, he ignored me, 'What do you do with a dog that has no legs?'

We all stared at him; none of us were in the mood.

'Take him out for a drag!' he and Bella burst out laughing.

I turned to her, 'what?' she exclaimed, I raised my eyebrow at her, 'It's funny!'

'Why, thank you, Bella,' Emmett glared at me, 'I'm glad SOMEONE appreciates my comedic talents!'

'Em, we SERIOUSLY need to keep you off of , it's just getting pathetic,' piped up Alice.

'Oh, come on!' retorted Emmett, 'they're hilarious!'

We just shook our heads and began staring at the papers again, 'What time's yours?' I asked Alice blankly, still not removing my eyes from the pile in front of us.

'1:30,' she replied in the same tone.

'Same,' everyone replied, our eyes still plastered to the pile of notes.

'This is ridiculous!' Bella practically screamed, 'look at you all! You look like a bunch of Zombies!' she continued, shaking my arm.

'Well, Bella, we are the 'un-dead',' said Emmett, before falling on the floor in a fit of laughter. We all ignored him and turned back to Bella.

'What's wrong with you?! It can't be THAT bad! It's just the counsellor!' we all shuddered at the name, 'you're all being complete idiots!'

Rose gave her a disgusted look and said, 'well it's alright for you...'

Suddenly Bella was on her feet, food on the floor, glaring at Rose from across the table, 'and what's that supposed to mean?!' she yelled.

'Well I'm sure you could do with a trip to the counsellor, what with all your obvious issues..' Rose was on her feet to.

Suddenly every single pair of eyes in the cafeteria was on us and every thought was something along the lines of _Cat Fight! Cat Fight! Finally some action at this school! _I shuddered at the thought. Emmett was pushing Rosalie down by the shoulders, whispering 'you're making a scene, you're making a scene, please sit down Rosie....' over and over, I decided I should probably take some action too. I grabbed Bella's hand and began pulling her down, 'please sit down Bella; you're being ridiculous' I gazed up at her with pleading eyes. She sat down in a huff and Emmett finally managed to push rose down, everyone went back to eating and gossiping, _typical_ I heard someone think.

Suddenly a wave of calm came over the table, Emmett glared at Jazz, 'coulda used that a little earlier, bro,'

I chuckled to myself, _typical indeed._

**So what do you think? Sorry it took so long, I had writers block. Please review! It makes me update faster! (I'm serious!)**


	3. Fluffy, pink armchairs

**Hello again! I've decided to carry on with this story! It's the school holidays and I've got plenty of time! And thanks so much to **_**alicepalacex **_**for sending me a message with HEAPS of ideas that inspired me to carry on!**

**I'll apologise in advance for all my terribly short chapters! I really, actually have no excuse except that sometimes I just feel like certain sentences are the perfect place to end!**

**ENJOY!**

**BPOV**

We sat outside the counsellors office in silence.

I really don't get it! What is their problem?! I personally think Mrs Virghil's a very nice lady! Everyone's just being complete drama queens! Especially Rosalie... I mean, honestly, what was all that about in the cafeteria?!

"What with all your obvious issues" excuse me? I'M not the self absorbed vampire here!

Suddenly the door creaked open and out stepped the plump figure of Mrs Virgill, she was wearing a brown dress and a long pink cardigan, and her face was covered in a _little _too much make up.

She smiled at us and nodded her head; we all glanced at each other, not knowing what to do. I refrained from busting out the awkward turtle.

"Hello," she said in the most painfully slow voice, "please come in."

I was suddenly reminded of the witch in Hansel and Gretel, I shuddered, bad thoughts, bad toughts, baaaaaaad thoughts.

**MrsVirghilPOV**

Aaaaaah, this was just going swimmingly.

I had already called in my six happy students and armed them with handcuffs.

Of course, they didn't know the entire plan, they just think they're going to be hand cuffed for one period. And, being the silly naive children that they are, they happily agreed.

Of course, it helps that they'll be handcuffed to the most abnormally gorgeous people on the planet.

Hahaha, I love my job.

**EPOV**

Oh shit. This is one seriously messed up counsellor. But what exactly is she planning? Hand cuffs? Happy students?

Whatever it is, it's not good.

But we can't get out of here now! It'll look to suspicious! Everyone was already getting up to go into her office!

This is all Emmett's fault! If he hadn't made that stupid bet with Alice (that if she went a week without seeing the future, he'd give her the one of a kind Prada clutch that he won on some online competition) than we would've known earlier!

**EMPOV**

As I stood up from sitting on the floor, I looked over at Edward to find him staring back at me with the most menacing glare I'd ever seen.

Oh, shit. What've I done now?

**BPOV**

We walked into the office.

Pink? Seriously? Where did this school find this woman?!

I looked down to see, sitting on the pink fluffy armchairs, the group of friends I had kinda ditched when Edward came along...oops.

Jessica, Angela, Lauren, Mike, Tyler and Ben. Well, this is gonna be fun.

"Thank you so much for accepting my invitation to come and see me today," said Mrs Virghil, wait, what invitation? Who said it was an invitation?! Since when was it an invitation?!

Suddenly, all the humans (Yes, I do consider myself as one of the vampires, I believe I have a right to), jumped up and grabbed us. Yes! Grabbed us! What the hell is going on here?!

I felt something cold and hard clasp around my wrist and before I knew it I was sitting on Mike's lap in one of the pink, fluffy armchairs.

Ummm... I repeat: What the hell?!

**Did you like it?! REVIEW!!! Oh and sorry if Alice stopping herself from seeing into the future is kinda unrealistic I just had to clear up all the loop holes! 10 points to the person who guesses the buddys! (Like, is it Alice and ___, Jasper and ___ etc.)**


	4. Lemonade and Open Doors

**EMPOV**

"What the hell is going on?!" I yelled, I wasn't exactly enjoying having Lauren Mallory sitting on my lap.

"Well done, children," smiled the twisted counsellor in front of us.

"Ok, I don't know WHAT is going on here but there has to be a law against locking us in here and handcuffing us!" I bellowed.

"Oh, my dear, the door isn't locked," she replied, opening the door to demonstrate, then she shut it again and turned round to sit on a pink, thrown like chair.

I glanced around to see a very confused and disgusted Bella sitting on a grinning Mike Newton's lap, my Rosie, looking extremely angry, squeezed in one of the armchairs next to Angela Weber, who seemed to be looking very sorry to be there, a scowling Alice sitting on a subdued Ben Cheney's lap, Jasper, sporting a very pained expression, squished next to an angry Tyler Crowley and, finally, a gushing Jessica Stanley sitting on the lap of an extremely disgusted Edward, her free arm playing with the hem of his shirt. Poor guy, at least Lauren isn't throwing herself at me, yet.

"Now, my dears," continued Mrs Virghil, "I have observed you over the past few weeks and would be so pleased if you would agree to become a part of a very important project of mine."

"I bagsed Bella!" Tyler suddenly burst out, "Mike stole her!"

Edward looked ready to kill someone but would have to throw Jessica off of him in the process and, being the perfect gentleman, would never even DREAM of doing that!

"I beg your pardon?" gasped Mrs Virghil.

"Before!" he exclaimed, "when we were discussing this... _project, _I bagsed Bella! But then Mike went and took her instead!"

"My dear boy!" gasped Mrs Virghil, "we do not _claim _people."

I scoffed, oh yeah, but you can use them as your little guinea pigs.

She glared at me before turning back to Tyler, "you get who you get," she scowled before suddenly looking wistful, "you know, children, when life gives you lemons..."

"Ooh! Ooh!" squealed Lauren, shooting her hand up in the air and wriggling round on my lap, "Pick me! Pick me!"

"Umm, yes, Lauren?" asked a surprised Mrs Virghil.

She pulled her hand down and composed herself, flipping her bleached blonde hair, "when life gives you lemons," she started, "make lemonade!"

"Uh, yes, well, back to the project," continued Mrs Virghil, clasping her hands together, "first of all, Emmett," she turned to me, a huge fake smile on her face, "how do you _feel _about being closed off from the outside world and only spending time with your family?"

I stared at her, stunned, _what? _"umm, excuse me?"

"Well, you only spend time with your siblings, never branching out and making new friends. How does that make you feel?" she asked.

"Ummm," I was still shocked, who the hell does this woman think she is?! "well, I like spending time with my family?"

"That was a question, honey, not an answer; please feel free to express your feelings in this room, no one will judge you."

"Look, I like hanging out with my siblings! What the hell is this all about?!"

"Well," she sighed, "let's try everyone else," she turned back to the rest of the circle, "how do you all feel about only spending time with each other, _all the time_?"

Suddenly, Rose stood up, pulling Angela with her, "listen here lady!" she screeched, "I don't know what the hell your problem is but would you just BUT OUT! It's none of your business who we spend time with or how we _feel_ about it!"

"Whoop! You tell her baby!" I cheered.

The counsellor scowled at me first before turning on Rosie, "well, Miss Hale, thankyou for voicing your opinions with me," she smiled, Angela sat down, pulling a reluctant Rose down with her, "I guess I'll just cut to the chase then."

Suddenly a wicked grin appeared on her nasty, make up covered face, "from the minute you arrive at school, to the moment you leave, everyday, you will be handcuffed together."

There were gasps from all round the room.

"You said it was just for an hour!" gasped Ben, "This is cruelty! We're not animals!"

"Who gave you the right to control our lives?!" screeched Rose.

"This has to be illegal? Doesn't it?" contemplated Angela.

"YOU CAN'T!" yelled Bella.

"Oh calm down!" said Mrs Virghil, "stop being such drama queens! Oh and there's one more thing: on Fridays you won't be unlocked," she smiled mischievously, "you will spend Friday evening, Friday night and Saturday together."

Jessica, who now seemed to be even happier than before, asked, "and how will we be unlocked on a Saturday?"

"You will all meet me at the school gates at 5:30," she replied calmly.

"Wait," grinned Mike, "so, we spend a NIGHT together? Handcuffed?"

I could see, by the way that Edward was clutching the arms of the armchair and glaring at Mike menacingly, that his thoughts were far from pure.

"That's what I said isn't it?" smiled Mrs Virghil.

"NO!" screeched Bella, "NO! You can't do that! That's, that's... a boy and a girl, sharing a bed?! That's just...I thought you were a counsellor?!"

"My dear, I have faith in all of you, and I trust that you will not take advantage of my innocent project," she grinned at Bella, who made a disgusted face but obviously decided not to argue.

"But, how will we go to the toilet?" asked Angela.

"Uh, well," she had obviously not considered this yet, "I, uh, well, you'll just have to trust eachother to, uh, not look."

Everyone gasped, "EW!" squealed Alice, "You've got to be kidding me! This is a joke right?!"

"No, Miss Cullen, why would I joke about something like this?"

At last, Edward asked the one question everyone had on their minds, removing his fingers from the bridge of his nose, he calmly asked, "but, why?"

Mrs Virghil, as if on cue, turned her head to the window, her eyes glazing over and said, "It's lovely stained glass, don't you think?"

**REVIEW!!!!! PLEASE!!! Just click the little green button below... go on....It doesn't bite... PLEASE! Reviews are my inspiration! Oh and I might do little questions for you that relate to each chapter, so today's question is:**

**Have you ever been in a situation that made you so disgusted that you could've puked? What happened?**

**I'll copy and paste the best answer/s in the next chapter!**

**REVIEW! CLICK THE LITTLE GREEN BUTTON! (seriously, it DOESN'T bite!)**


	5. plans

**Important A/N at bottom!!!! Read it!! Seriously!!!**

**ENJOY!**

**BPOV**

I scowled as I was dragged out of the torture chamber by a creepily excited Mike. Ugh, what did I do to deserve this?!

I looked over at Edward to see Jess holding his hand and running her free one over his chest, a huge dopey grin covering her face, while Edward just walked on. Always the gentleman.

Emmett was roughly pulling Lauren, who looked extremely upset, out of the office.

Eventually we were all gathered in the parking lot, trying to sort out this mess.

"I swear this is illegal!" Emmett boomed.

"I doubt it," Edward replied, "she's a counsellor; she wouldn't be doing this if it was illegal."

"Well she's a messed up one at that," Rosalie added angrily, pulling on a frightened Angela.

"Look," I started, "we need to stop making such a big deal out of this and just figure out what we're going to do about it."

"Yeah," chirped Alice, "what class does everyone have this period?"

"English."

"Maths."

"Biology."

"History."

"English."

"Music."

"History."

"Biology."

"Geography."

"Maths."

"History."

Everyone replied over the top of each other.

Alice sighed, "I really don't think this _project,_" she said the last word disgustedly, "was thought out particularly well."

"How am I meant to get to Biology if Mike's got History?" I asked.

"My point exactly," she replied.

"Ugh," Rosalie burst out, "you're all a bunch of idiots!! Doesn't it make a lot more sense if we just go to our classes and ask the teacher what we're meant to do?!!"

"There's no need to be rude, Rosalie," I snapped.

"Well at least I've actually come up with a plan," she spat back.

"That's not a plan! We need to figure out how to get out of this stupid project! Not how to get to fifth period!"

"Would you all just SHUT UP!" yelled Tyler, reminding us we had company, "it's pretty simple what we have to do: Whenever we're around Mrs Virghill, we pretend we're best friends with whoever we're handcuffed too!"

We all thought for a minute before Edward looked up at Tyler, "sounds like a plan."

"Right," Rosalie said, tossing her long hair over her shoulder, "now that we've sorted _that _out, shall we use _my _plan to get to class?"

Everyone shrugged and nodded their heads, "right then, each pair will go to one persons class and ask that teacher what to do. Okay?"

Everyone nodded and started heading back to school. Mike clasped his clammy hand round mine as we walked, for a minute I was grateful for the handcuffs, as it meant he couldn't throw his arm round my shoulder. I shuddered at the thought.

"Oh, are you cold," he grinned, "you can wear my jacket."

"Uh, no thanks," I grimaced as he started attempting to pull his green fleece off, "I'm good."

"Are you sure?" he pushed, "I don't need it," he shrugged, trying to sound 'macho'.

"No, really," I replied, holding his arm to stop him, "I'm not cold."

He gave in as we walked through the school doors and made our way to Biology.

I sighed. This was going to be an extremely long hour.

**I'm BAAAAAACK!!! Yay?**

**I'm so sorry for the extremely short and awful chapter!!! But I really had no inspiration for it and I just needed to update so I can start my new story! Which I should be posting soon!**

**But I have some really good news! (Maybe now you won't hate me so much?) Ok, this story is going to become a collaboration with MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles!!!! YAY!!! So from now on the chapters will be way better (and possibly longer).**

**No question this chapter, but here are the best answers from last chap:**

When I was at this picnic with my class, there was this public toilet, where we were supposed to  
change (because we could go swimming) and there was this lady there, and she was on the phone while sitting on a toilet, and the door was open. I was with my friend and we were like "GROSS!" and then she got up and went to wash her hands. Without. Pulling. Her. Pants. Up. It was so disgusting! (And let's just say that she wasn't that skinny...)

**-** VampireWolf0131

And

I was once in a situation like this, where we had a sleep out at our school and we were put in pairs. I was put in a group of three, It was just me and two guys because there was an uneven number, of course we were being monitored so nothing would happen, but the guys decided to show each other their private parts to see who was bigger while I was in the room! It was horrible lol I'll be traumatised for life :P

**- **SuicidalTendencies1994

**I feel so sorry for the both of you!!! Have some virtual cookies = )**

**Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (If you want, because I understand if you hated this chapter so much you're never coming near any of my stories again = ( *sob*)**


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